sharika roland

Birthdays

2010-09-07T12:32:00.000-07:00

Some people hate birthdays. We like to think we have all the time in the world to do what we want but then a birthday comes along and it is so sobering that you feel mournful. 50 for me was like that. I did not see it coming.

I was so upset that I was that old and that I had accomplished nothing of value up to this point that it was like going to a firing squad. Now

I know why 50 is worse than 40 or 60.

You are not resigned yet. Once you are over it, it doesn't matter. You are used to being older and you come to grips with it but on your birthday night you might be in a tailspin over turning 50.

I have some tips for you to not be in total pain.

Surround yourself with others who are sympathic to your plight.

Talk about it. Face it and make a plan for part 2 of your life.

Do not approach 50 without at least 5 good and amazing plans for what you will do next.

Do not look back over the past. Nothing in the past matters. If you are a total failure then at 50 you can start again with a new plan and carry it out to not be a failure now.

If you were highly successful at what you wanted to do with your life then also push that aside and focus on the future.

There are five great things about getting older

You are less self conscious or really dont care what someone else thinks. Good use that to not be afraid.

You should have less responsibility at home so you can be freer to launch out and try new things.

You have extremely valuable knowledge that you gained along the way that now is ammunition to making the second part of your life much better than the first.

Your body is not in to bad of shape for planning new adventures yet. so that is good.

and finally you are more important to everyone else when you are older.

More people are linked to you so you have a broader base to live from.

think about this from one who has been there.

Listen or Pain

2010-08-27T09:34:00.000-07:00

A friend told me that there were two ways to learn. listen or pain.

I know that yet do I listen carefully to others who have gone before me or do I have to go through unnecessary pain. Usually pain is a friend of mine who comes around every so often.

I was a wild child when I was young. My younger brother told me he watched what happened to me and did the opposite of it so he would not go through what I did.

I am glad to have been of service for someone.

So when I had my son, I tried to tell him everything that nobody told me so he could avoid pain as much as possible.

I know that he is making good choices in his life and I don't know if it is because of reason a or reason b but I am grateful either way.

I have talked to my friends and they have told me that they have not talked about everything to their children.

The best place to hear everything that they need to know is YOU.

You love them best, you have had experiences that you can use, and you will always be better than a stranger.

And you have to remember that when you tell them nothing about what you believe, you are telling them that is not important enough to even mention.

If you don't tell them someone else will.

How it turned out.

2010-08-22T17:34:00.000-07:00

My girlfriend told me to just start my painting in my mind while I was on vacation. I actually did not want to go as I wanted to start the big painting. Even though I had only a rough concept, I wanted to get it going.

But we had to go on vacation. In my other blog I go into detail about it but what I want to say here is that the theory worked. I did have a dream about the big picture and I did get the rough draft of it in my dream. But I let it stew a day and the full monty came later when I was not looking for it.

That is what I want to talk about today.

I truly believe that what you ask for will be forthcoming but not in the way that you think. We are not puppetmasters pulling Gods strings. It is pretty much the other way around.

And all I can say about this is Thank God that it is not me. I may think it is me sometimes but It is not. Nope. I am only available.

The thing about life is you don't have to know everything before you start. You only need to have faith that you will not have to really do anything except walk forward. Every step will come when it needs to. and not a second sooner. Don't you find that comforting. And TRUER WORDS WERE NE'RE SPAKE!

A new work

2010-08-18T22:25:00.000-07:00

I am working on a new concept painting. Today I primed out a 6 foot by 36 foot canvas. I am going to paint one idea all over the canvas and then cut it up into a show. That is the concept and I have never done this before but while I was just putting on the primer I was trying to imagine what the big idea would be. The big idea on the big canvas and I thought of the Henry Darger.

I think I will tell a story with lots of characters and lots of rooms and lots of colors. I have never done that before either. I am going to do a creative class thing and try and dream the solution tonight for the story and the characters and the colors. and the mood. and the reason for the show.

Every show should have a reason for existing.

Tonight is the night to think of the big idea. I will tell you what I come up with in the morning.

2010-08-11T11:43:00.000-07:00

Ads have to be true to work. making some story up is not useful. everyone sees through it.

what makes you buy something is you think you need it.

If you could only have half of the things you have now , how many things would it be.

To be honest, most of my stuff is stuff I thought I needed but really really really did not.

Most of the products in my medicine cabinet are things I thought would work or do something useful , but did not. It is hard to toss something you paid good money for.

Toss it. move on. If you can throw it out then do. If you cannot because you really cannot throw it out because you love it or need it . If you say everytime you look at it "Oh I just love this. " Usually the things with me that I cannot live without are art things. I have a sculpture I look at every morning and I keep loving it more and more. Even more than when I first bought it. That is a keeper. I love my bedroom. I love my dining room and cannot live without it now because the chairs in it are so beautiful.

But someone could come in and take all my clothes and most everything else and It would not matter. I might want the hard drive of this blog and the pictures of my paintings but the rest is tossable.

Now should you toss just because you don't love it?? the real answer is yes because it takes your energy to live otherwise. This is truer than true.

New York and Paris

2010-08-10T07:46:00.000-07:00

I spent some time in New York a couple of years ago.

I was thinking how different the energy is there. For some reason everyone is in a massive hurry. They power walk down the streets. The river of people carries you down the street at the same pace. You even have to look fast at the wonderful shops and go on. You have to order fast because there is a sea of people behind you.

You get this sense of excitement that makes you feel important.

The buildings look important.

In Paris everything is different. There are still tons of people but they are way way way more relaxed. And they are all dressed up all the time. It is hard to find a shabby dresser in Paris. There is a sweetness in Paris that is like savoring a great glass of wine with a friend. It makes you feel all glowy.

New York is like a sledge hammer of excitement .

New York and Paris have one thing in common., they both are natural cities. When you live there you become like the city. Other cities you can just be yourself but in Paris and New York you are sublimated by the actual energy of the city itself. You have to yield .

Interviews

2010-08-06T08:44:00.000-07:00

My husband and I are going to start doing interviews with artists who have been artists for a long time. We are going to show their work the whole time they are talking so you can see what they are talking about. I was going to show them talking but I think it is better to just let their work talk too.

looking at the person talking makes them uncomfortable and I would rather look at their work.

that is why you do interviews anyway. To see if there is something they know that you don't.

At least that is why I am doing these and these are going to be plenty interesting too.

I will ask them what I want to know. I do not care about the past and where they grew up. who cares about that. Your work is all that matters. Unless you have some fantastic story like you were raised by wolves something but even that would become what you are.

And art is not about what happened to you buy what was came out of you.

the first one to be interviewed is me. Even though you know a lot about me talking every day this will be about the actual art. not me. Yo will see what I mean when I do it. I sure hope my web guy can put this movie on this website so you all can see it.

If you are an artist and want to be interviewed let me know and I will contact you if you are really great. and pretty old so I assume you have learned a lot along the way.

think

2010-08-04T08:29:00.000-07:00

Every single minute of every single day goes away from to toward your goal.

I know I have said that before. But you have to rethink this to understand it a little better.

As soon as you finish a project there is a sense of relief that lasts for two seconds.

Like vapor the enjoyment goes away and you have to do the next thing.

So you have to have a goal that is constantly changing and growing and refining and expanding and living.

the best goal and the only real goal is living in a way that is moving in the right direction.

Everything from weight loss to cleaning a house to a better relationship with your spouse.

Getting to that perfect weight or having the house clean is not the point. It is trying to get there that counts. moving in that direction. constantly moving in that direction.

So life is a dance. As long as we are breathing and moving in the right direction , the goal is where you are right now.

I say this because sometimes we think we are bad if we have not attained our goals and that is counter productive. Just keep moving. till you can't move anymore.

Contests

2010-07-31T07:31:00.000-07:00

People enter contests to measure how they stack up against other people in their field.

I have entered a lot of contests in the past and I have judged a lot of contests. Since there are no absolutes in art now days the the reality is down to two things.

Either you have a taste for a certain kind of work or you know for a fact that a lot of people have a taste for a certain kind of work. ?Then it is good work.

Work that is called EDGY is just work that is neither well known or liked.

They call it important new work so that it will sound like you should like it because you should be smart enough to get it. If you don't get it you are basically a backwards idiot and should not even be playing this game.

To illustrate this fact another story from San Francisco,

There was a well known gallery there called the Grapestake Gallery.

All the hip people went there and shows sold out.

They had a show consisting of cardboard boxes torn apart and hanging on the wall. Yup they weren't even painted on.

When I saw that, even at the tender age of 21 I knew the art world was all about and I knew I could get away with anything.

Doll house

2010-07-29T09:22:00.000-07:00

I got my granddaughter this dollhouse. She tried to get in the dollhouse. She backed up and tried to sit in the tiny chairs and eat the tiny ice cream cone.

I think we are attracted to small spaces because they are comforting.

I spend time looking at tiny house blogs. I am reevaluating space.

I think about how a hundred years ago, probably 6 people lived in the house I am in now. The closets are so small yet I am sure they were full of just enough clothes to live.

Now we have huge walk in closets and dressing rooms.

My hundred year old house was probably a pretty elegant house for its time. I can imagine very nice people lived here. With a big family.

I hope someday another good sized family lives here and fills up all the rooms with joy and laughter. This house wants 4 kids to live here. It wants a Mommy and a Daddy and a couple of dogs. This house wants to have lots of people over too to share life with.

What color is your parachute

2010-07-28T07:46:00.000-07:00

One of the questions asked in "What color is your parachute?" is do you like to work alone or with other people.

the book asks a million questions to figure out what job is best for you.

I like to work alone but I like a lot of people around me all the time.

This is hard to do.

I think that is why I like tiny spaces,

A big empty house is awful.

to me

I hate the silence. To stop the silence I have to make something. I have to write and read or talk to someone.

The silence makes me creative out of necessity.

But when I paint I have to concentrate on the work and the painting is my person. I was thinking maybe I am painting a friend over and over and over.

the paintings take on a life of their own.

This is a true thing. My husband and I hang the whole show in our house for a while then I take it all to the gallery. WE actually experience a kind of mourning. It is not just me. He feels lonely too.

This tells me everyone is absolutely relational. Everyone wants somebody to be around. We were made for relating.

Harry Truman

2010-07-26T06:08:00.000-07:00

I just saw a documentary on Harry Truman. He was the epitome of tenacity. Every second in his life was overcoming some kind of obstacle.

84 days after being in office as Vice President, Roosevelt died, making him president. A job he felt he was not remotely qualified for. Yet he said "I have to do it anyway. " the decisions he made were overwhelmingly horrible to make. He made them , and let it go.

It really made me think about my own life.

What does backbone look like. Harry Truman. Courage under constant fire.

He was willing to be unpopular no matter what it cost him.

And it cost him plenty.

I was thinking about that too, How often do I made decisions to be liked.

That is such a cowardly way to live.

Way better to let the chips fall and then die having really lived with integrity than to appease others and not be honest.

I was glad to have seen this documentary, Having courage fleshed out is always a good thing to have in your brain.

Doing what you don't want to do

2010-07-16T13:56:00.000-07:00

Nobody likes to get up early and work out. Nobody likes to watch their weight and work on getting it down. Nobody likes discipline.

I met Jack LaLaine once. I worked in a health food store in San Francisco and he came in. He ordered carrot juice and greens.

He was really old when he came in. He told me there was nothing he hated more than getting up and working out.

You would think he would be so used to it that it would be easy to get up at 5 am and work out for an hour.

But sadly he said it killed him every morning to make himself get out of bed.

His Television show made it look like he was enjoying himself.

Why did he tell me this when I was just getting him some juice??

Why not tell someone else.

Why even tell anyone.

I thought he must have sensed that I needed to hear that.

We always think it is easier for other people to do this or that.

Maybe it is public speaking. Or selling or being out going.

Did you know Steve Martin was shy and hated to go to parties. He had to make himself do all he did too.

People think I am outgoing. Well I am but at first I am uncomfortable like everyone else. I question whether anyone will think I am crazy or boring or worse invisible.

I have to make myself talk to people. I really do. If you knew me you would never guess that. But it is true. I hate parties because I don't know what to say to strangers.

but I have devised a trick that makes it a little easier. I have learned to listen very hard and when people see that I am totally listening to them they open up and then I get engrossed and they are not strangers anymore. That is my plan for over coming shyness.

People

2010-07-12T07:10:00.000-07:00

Each person has a unique gift to give to the world.

Some people influence thousands and some influence millions.

The difference between influencing thousands and millions is one thing.

communication.

The more ways you can communicate what your gift is the more impact you will have on society.

People are always in the being influenced mood. Always.

Everything we read, see, hear, etc is influencing how we perceive the universe.

Seems like a simple thought , an obvious thought but I am willing to bet that you have not thought of it.

Influencing is not a passive thing. It is proactive. And being influenced is a totally passive thing. You just stand there and you get influenced whether you want to or not.

It really helps to be aware of this fact and make sure you are influenced by good and encouraging things so that you will not have the life drained from you.

YOU SHOULD BE A GOOD INFLUENCE TO EVERYBODY ELSE OR YOU WILL AUTOMATICALLY BE A BAD ONE. Nothing is not changing. Everything is always going either one way or another. Every second of the day is either going one way or the other.

And you are giving or you are taking. Give everything you have every day and make sure it is good you are giving.

Think this " What can I do to help?" If you are thinking that you will be fine. I hope you don't think I have this down at all , I do not . But I know it is true and I know that it makes life beautiful and meaningful and wonderful .

Selfish people are never never never happy, which is pretty funny as that is their main goal. They will never attain what they seek. In fact Selfish stands for So Entirely Lifeless Floundering in Shallow Hole.

when you are sad

2010-07-07T17:25:00.000-07:00

sometimes we are sad and that is ok. Everybody does not need to be happy all the time. If you know someone is going through a hard thing or you are then be sad. Being sad is the only way to ever be glad again. You need something to compare glad to so you have to be sad sometimes.

most people try and fight it and put on a good front.

I think you should wallow and be as sad as you can for as long as you need and then you will get it all out.

Sad is part of life and we should embrace it.

I find that if I concentrate on being as sad as can be it lasts a shorter time and it sort of cleans you out of tears.

All that salt leaving you is good for you.

you dont want to be a dead sea and just keep all that salt water in one place.

The sun

2010-07-02T13:19:00.000-07:00

The rain is raining all around it falls on fields and trees. It rains on umbrellas here and on the ships at sea RLS

When it is raining and everyone is bummed out. There are always three things to do.

splash in the puddles that are only there when it rains.

don't water your lawn

cry and nobody knows you are crying.

Rain is like a crisis. You dont want it but it can make everything better when it is over.

It waters your soul even though you dont want it

and it cleans out your life and you can focus on what is important.

We forget what is important about every two seconds. and a nice crisis is a good way to remember.

Outside in

2010-06-30T06:56:00.000-07:00

My son is a body builder and a strong man competitor.

When he was 16 he was a tall skinny lad with a desire to compete in something. He developed a tenacity that he enjoys to this day.

It build up more than his muscles.

Making your body your slave is good because as far as you push your body, your mind follows right behind.

There is body mind connection that cannot be overlooked.

If there was one thing that if you started doing it now would change everything. Everybody would say doing something we naturally don't want to do. Work out and spend more time learning. Two things that when you make yourself do them change you from the outside in.

My girls and Ahhh

2010-06-29T19:17:00.000-07:00

My girls for France are done. They are what they are and they are screaming French if you ask me. I should know as everything I had in me absorbed everything I could while I was in France last year and soaked and soaked and soaked and then the girls were born.

A facebook friend asked me what French looked like. Let me tell you.

You can feel the ancient stones alive with all the people that have walked the ancient streets and lived in the ancient buildings. You can smell the wine growing everywhere. In France you cannot irrigate. They depend on natural rain to make the wine different every year.

Every person is slower than here and they are open to taking to you about where they are from and where they want to go.

I think you can know France just by going there. You can get it in your bones.The light is diffused and dreamy. Here it is harsh and glaring and jolting. There is comforts you like a kiss.

I would say France is sexy because it makes you feel alive and all mushy.

I know the south of France better than Paris but it is the same. Girls are girly there. My goal is to paint there because I wish I could parlez that into a show so everyone could bring a piece of France home with them. Ahhh

they

2010-06-28T07:34:00.000-07:00

When we talk to ourselves we will often say," Oh I can't do that because they wouldn't like it. or "no way can I get away with that nobody would believe it was good", or the ubiquitous "What will they think?"

Who is this they person? Who does "They" really constitute. All other people. Yes. That is what we think to ourselves. All other people will not like what you want to do so you better not do it. Love will stop coming your way and you will be rejected as a person who has value.

That is the power of they. Reality is different. Every other person on the planet will not hate your idea. Some will love it. It is just a numbers game.

Your job is find the ones who do love it and ignore the ones who don't like it.

That is all.

Just find your market.

Now the secret of life is how to find your market.

I believe that you can find who likes you on facebook.

There that was easy and free. You get instant feedback and all you need is friends and their friends and their friends. Post your thing and see who says Oh I love it. Then email them and they will buy what you have. I think facebook has changed the marketing world. Where else will you find an audience of people who are not grumpy when they read your post. They are on facebook because they want to see what is new. I personally love it when people post pics of their new products. I like the fact that I do not look at a million things at a time, just a few and then it is not so overwhelming.

Market research is free now if you get a lot of friends on facebook. It does help to post a lot so you are not a stranger. I have purchased things because they were on facebook. I like knowing who is selling something, it makes a big difference to me.

Art and the art of living

2010-06-27T08:38:00.000-07:00

Today I painted roses on my patio. I have a plain cement patio. . I was looking at it and thought why not paint what I want to see, I would like to walk on roses every day so why not paint. them.

The result is YES. It looks great and I wonder why I did not do that before.

I am a painter.

so my husband loved it and started to think seriously about finishing the work we had planned to do on the patio.

Paint sparks creativity in everyone. Oh yeah we can do this. It is easy. Solutions are often so easy and cheap and wonderful that we tend to overlook them. Everything you need is right here, right now. We think oh I have to buy this or that first. Maybe you have all the raw materials right there. And besides the more creative you have to be the more fun the result is. Your work will be unique without rushing to the store to buy what everybody else is buying. and every single time unique is more charming then store bought.

Mommy

2010-06-21T07:34:00.000-07:00

I like being the mommy. I like taking care of people and feeding them and washing their clothes. I like loving the people I have to care for. They are my jewels and my desire is to make them happy.

They are my sweethearts.

Having people to care for is a gift. Only taking care of yourself is boring.

My advice is if you have nobody to take care of anymore because your kids are grown or you never had any , is to adopt somebody.

So many people need someone to mother them, including your husband that you can do it till you are done living.

I even love washing dishes because I like to think about the person as I wash their plate and put it away. I feel lucky to have people to love.

the feminist movement moved away from that but they were wrong. Women need to mother somebody. That is how we are made.

Even women who have big fat careers need to take care of someone.

faces

2010-06-19T13:27:00.000-07:00

I paint faces all day. every day. I never get tired of them. the variations of two eyes a nose and a mouth are infinite. What is most compelling to me is the fact that painting the same shape for they eyes can have a totally different look with the smallest of line alteration. And when the face is complete , I like to stare at it and wonder what this new person is like. How can a whole life be in a face. All the joy and experiences and sorrow and time. All written in a face.

even though I do not paint very distinct faces they all have a unique feel to them. Your mind has to fill in the lines.

sometimes I think people like a certain face because it reminds them of someone good in their life.

Thats what is great about doing simple faces. You get to personalize it.

Every person viewing a painting will have different emotion that they pick up. what is sad to one is intense to another.

always personal connections. Every face I paint I get enriched from it and it is sort of like meeting a new person. It makes me more alive and connected.

Working

2010-06-16T07:17:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about work. What do I do all day. Does it have value to others. that is the only thing that makes anything valuable. Does it help anyone be better. Sometimes the house work I do has way more value than what I came up with at the studio. At least I fed somebody and they can live another day.

Living for others is the goal of life. What we do should always benefit someone else. The stuff we do for our own enjoyment is meaningless unless it is making us healthier and stronger .

It is like junk food. It is so tasty and when you are hungry it is so easy to grab, but it doesn't build your body and on the contrary it destroys what you already have.

I am trying to think about food like that as an enemy to life. It only tastes good for a second then it goes about its task of destroying health. There is no free lunch. Everything costs.

The weeds, the junk food and the time suckers all exist with no effort. It always takes effort to grow in any area. Garden, muscle, minds. All painful effort. All of life is a struggle against the easy. Most people don't struggle but just go with flow. the flow takes you down the lazy river to death.

On my deathbed I hope I can say I fought the good fight. You have to fight for everything. If you even think about this for five minutes, you will get resolve. the thing is we forget almost immediately because it is a fight to keep remembering it is a fight. WE are in the fight of our lives for our lives.

there is a thing we do in creative group that is a reminder trick. If you wear a ring make the ring remind you of something. Put a meaning on it. If it is a diamond wedding ring all the better. Diamonds were born in absolute struggle. Look at that ring and remember what it took for that lump of coal to turn into a sparkling diamond.

today

2010-06-14T15:59:00.000-07:00

I found out something about myself today. I have changed. I no longer am drawn to modern clean lines in buildings and rooms.

I used to love that but now I am feeling so cold toward it that it is almost shocking to me.

I need need warm colors and peeling paint and worn furniture and yellow walls and rusty wrought iron . I need aged everything.

the warmth of the old is what is fueling my life these days. I don't know if it is me getting older and I can relate to it more or what but I can no longer stand modern. I feel more complex than that.

Has anyone else out there felt like this. Is it me or the times or what.

A gift

2010-06-09T22:27:00.000-07:00

I went away for a few days, with some friends to work on a planning project.

We went to soap lake to our vacation home.

Planning a whole year out and doing hours of work is more tolerable if there is a nice quiet environment.

What I am always surprised to find is that it is like going to a different planet. Planet love. Sage wafting in the air and birds of all kinds singing sweetly and soft breezes in the warm sun made the whole trip euphoric. We found ourselves staring into the clouds and losing our grip on the stressful world of home. We did not even know it was stressful till we stopped having the stress. It lifted off our shoulders like a quiet giant arm carrying away our cares.

Lessons from the yard

2010-06-06T07:53:00.000-07:00

I was pulling weeds yesterday. WE have a rental with a yard that was inundated with weeds. Some the size of a dinner plate.

As I was pulling them I was thinking how similar they are to every wicked thing in our lives.

We don't intentionally plant them yet they grow as though they have been cultivated in a greenhouse. They grow in the areas where nothing else would grow.

I never find roses sprouting up in the lawn plated by the birds.

Never

the roses I have to baby and prune and spray and labor over just to get a rose that is wonderful.

The weeds, ignore and they get to be the size of house in two months.

Just like life.

any good characteristic is hard won.

Bad habits are cultivated by doing nothing.

To do anything good you have to work and work and work to make it establish as a permanent thing.

You have to be a fighter.

always fight.

or the weeds will win every every every time.

Solitude

2010-06-04T08:31:00.000-07:00

I was thinking again of the life suckers. Every time you a do a passive activity like watching television, it does soak some of your brain cells out,

Each time we actively have to work out a problem it builds your brain up so to speak.

The awful thing is you are either moving forward toward good or backwards toward bad. Nothing is stagnant. Nothing stays the same.

Each day that I write this blog I am trying to convey something you might need to know or at least something to think about. I do not want to waste your precious time with drivel.

Being proactive about time is essential to not going backwards.

I used to teach aerobics. No matter what I had to do it as I had a class that showed up every day. That was the biggest blessing to me. I had a lot of energy even though sometimes I would do a few classes a day. I was strong. The worst mistake I ever made was stopping teaching.

William Turners Studio

2010-06-03T07:41:00.000-07:00

I went to visit William Turners Studio yesterday. He is a well known artist who does these paintings that are soft landscapes and soft focus figures. They are nice and big too. Spending time with him was like being with a king.

He is regal and full of passion and repose. He is easy to talk to and to experience of being with him with his work is wonderful. He is just like his work.

I had the sense of being with a great man.

Artists are the most wonderful people and I think of them a diamonds of love. They give everything to their work and people get to bask in the radiance of that work, what a gift to humanity.

Anxiety

2010-06-02T08:34:00.000-07:00

Believe it or not anxiety is a necessary part of the creative process. I have been reading how even people with a track record a mile long of successes, have tremendous anxiety starting a new project.

I certainly do and I am thinking what am I going to paint. I have no ideas whatsoever and I feel like I am going to just plum run out of ideas.

This has never happened and in reality I doubt that it will so why do I feel anxious.

It does not happen in other areas of life . You don't stand and the fridge and freak out and not know what you will make for dinner. You just use what you have in there and make something.

Or driving a car, you don't sit there and say I hope I remember how to drive. No you just drive.

But the creative process is different and anxiety is a (get this) necessary part of it. Without it you would be arrogant and horrible. There has to be a faith involved in getting through the anxiety and relying not on our own selves but on God actually. We are creative only because he allows it to flow through us. Anxiety just reminds us "it ain't me babe"

The Waterfall

2010-05-24T07:48:00.000-07:00

Everybody has moments in their lives when something happens and it changes the course of their lives.

When I was fourteen, I went with my best friend to Ellensburg where there was a river all the college kids were inner tubing . They would be going down the river and then they would have to scramble to get back to land before the river went over a waterfall.

My friend jumped right in and did it without even thinking. She had a great time then it was my turn.

I was so afraid to falling over the waterfall that I could not even get into the water. I just sat there like a lump on the side watching everyone else.

I look back on that time now and see how that very day affected me. I starting thinking of myself as a fearful person. It took me years and years to overcome all kinds of fears. I developed this view of myself that I thought was just reality. My friend went on to be an incredibly courageous person and do all kinds of things . One event like the river can make or break your view of yourself.

Reliving the events that you made the story of what you are, is necessary to erase them. The stories we tell ourselves about ourselves are not always true.

WHAT HAPPENED IN A SPLIT SECOND A LONG TIME AGO, DOES NOT HAVE TO DEFINE YOUR WHOLE LIFE NOW.

A great Peace

2010-05-16T16:30:00.000-07:00

today I had a great peace come over me listening to a sermon and a Sunday school book. Funny how you hear things you need to hear and it all becomes clear.

It's just like Someone is taking care of me and knows what I am thinking about.

Everything in this life is just a few minutes and then it is over and a long long long time starts and never ends.

Today I am thinking of the long long time and not the brief minute that I am here.

What a peaceful thought to know that no matter what, everything you have to go through here is just a few minutes. Just a blink and it is over. I makes things less scary. And doable . Its only a little while

the best baby

2010-05-15T09:27:00.000-07:00

I do have the best baby grand daughter in the world. Let me tell you how I see her. She is amazingly obedient and creative at the same time. She does not cry when she is overtired or for more than a few seconds when she falls down.

She is happy almost all of the time.

She is loving and adaptable to changes in her life.

She is so small yet she is aware of others feelings.

She is so beautiful on the outside and equally beautiful on the inside.

She is joyful and courageous.

Her eyes are always looking for beauty and life.

She encourages me to press on even if we are both tired.

and most of all she has a tender heart which is the most lovely thing about her.

I do give her whatever is within my power to give her because I feel like I am feeding the start of a huge and great life that will impact many many people for the good. Her garden will be the most beautiful because of her soil that she was raised and nurtured in. I want to be compost for her life.

the door

2010-05-13T09:14:00.001-07:00

When we are kids we want to run away when things are difficult or we feel we are not understood.

Adults do the same thing only in more elaborate ways. We watch too many movies. we do busy work. we lounge about and talk to much about nothing.

I heard that the door to change is just living through the moment when you feel like running away and just stay and see what happens. When you stay the door appears that is the door you have to go through to get to a better place. The door is scary and so that is why we run away. Don't even look at it, then it is not real.

the door has a mirror on it and it tells the truth. go through the door and it is freedom to be different. Avoid door and you avoid life and everything you can offer to life . Go through the door

Being there

2010-05-06T15:10:00.000-07:00

When I am working hard on a show and I need 15 new paintings done in a month and I am just starting and I don't even have a clue what I will do(like what I am doing right now as I write this)

Well this is the best place in the world for me.

I have to fight for every one and it is agonizing sometimes and I feel like I am drowning. But then it is over and I stand back and it is like I was only birthing and now I have the baby. Birthing is no fun. but the baby is so worth it.

When I get the show up on walls in the gallery I am always blown away that I did that. I do not feel like it. I don't know where it comes from.

I can't do anything that good. No way/

But there it is all done. They are born. and now they do not belong to me anymore. They are free to go to where they will live in a new place.

It really is funny when someone says to me"Oh I wish I had your talent"

Talent smalent . I have no talent. I am just there. thats all. ask any artist in the world and they will totally agree!

listen

2010-05-04T08:04:00.001-07:00

The important things of life are learned by only two ways. Listen or pain. Most people choose pain.

Of course it depends what you are listening to.

You have to listen to wisdom . How can you tell if it is wisdom or not. Not such an easy question. What might seem wise may be just fear.

Popular wisdom may keep you in a place where you do not grow .

Being too safe may cost you to big goal of your life.

Nobody who did any big thing did it without any risk.

You have to weigh the price of launching out into the unknown. The cost of being safe may be an even greater if it costs you your dream.

This is what I heard

2010-05-03T07:36:00.000-07:00

You know the old saying "do what you love and the money will follow?"

It is true and nobody believes it.

True as true and the day is long but nobody believes it.

Ask anybody if they would rather be with people who are doing what they love and they will unanimously say "YES" There is an energy that is life giving and tremendously wonderful to just be with people who wake up in the morning and cannot wait to get to work on what they love.

Ask anybody if they want to be with someone who is just doing anything just for the money and they will say never. That is life draining.

My husband once had a life draining job but he changed his attitude and tried to find 5 things he honestly loved about his job. He did find 5 things and it made him a pleasure to be around.

You have to look sometimes to find it but it is important to do this and not waste time hating anything.

what happened

2010-05-01T10:09:00.000-07:00

So we had a plan with the baby. I was going to talk to her about going home a long time before her mom showed up and get her emotionally ready. Then I took her to the car and strapped her in the carseat. I also told her that if she did not cry I would give her a treat.

IT WORKED> I know the third part is sort of a bribe but if she had something in her mouth she could not cry. So plan B is get to to do step one and two and not need step three anymore.

I was totally relieved that I did not have to spank her.

It was such a load off my mind that feel invigorated to to it again and see if it still works.

the joys of grandparenting are tremendous.

Europe

2010-04-29T08:04:00.000-07:00

Getting ready for the French Show is a big deal. Just imagining what the climate will be like and what tastes are like there vs here is sort of mind bending.

the only thing I can do is paint the best show I have ever painted and take it there and see what happens.

this is what I want to happen. Sell everything and have other galleries in Europe ask to show the work. I would like to have a show in Brussels and in Germany and Paris and also Venice.

That is the dream and idea. That is a great way to get to visit those cities and have a really good reason to go.

It really is an extraordinary opportunity to be in this big art festival. I guess People from all over Europe go there. I hope I can do a show somewhere in Europe every year . that is the big big plan. That is my stick figure for today

Its so hard to see myself

2010-04-28T08:39:00.000-07:00

Thank you for the comments yesterday about the baby.

We do have a plan now and and the more I think about it the better I feel about it. I am going to spank her if she starts a fit when her mom comes to get her. My son and daughter in law told me to. At first I was horrified. Spank her because she doesn't want to leave me?? Too hard.

But after examining the idea a little closer I realize that she does not love me best she can manipulate me most. She would not get away with something like that with her other grandmother and she knows it. But me , I am putty in her tiny hands and she knows it. While she is crying and going on I feeling so sorry for her and saying Oh no Oh no (as if I am helpless to stop her)

And then my daughter in law is the bad guy.

It is so hard to see yourself . I talked to a large group of women who also did not know what to do, Most said she will stop when she is older.

I don't want her to learn to manipulate people by pulling heart strings like that and pride strings . I will let you know on Friday what happened when I spank her for crying so much about leaving me.

Oh it is so hard.

2010-04-26T21:05:00.000-07:00

I have a granddaughter that I love so much it but she cries when I have to say goodbye. I am flattered but I want her to not make everyone feel bad as if they aren't also wonderful to be with . I don't know if I am doing something too much and she is spoiled or what but I feel like I am. Any body else out there with this problem. I feel like I am getting her in trouble.

left hand

2010-04-22T07:30:00.000-07:00

I have to tell you what happened when I used my left hand at the studio. I was able to write in a half an hour somewhat legibly, I was drawing and when I started doing that I liked the outcome. The people I was drawing were like contour drawings sort of dreamy. I like the big legs and arms every which way. Mostly I started thinking differently as I was using my non dominant side to draw. I started thinking calm thoughts kind of like when we do a visualization exercise. I am going to do it again today and paint too.

A mind is a wonderful thing to explore with and there are fun exercises to do with strengthening the weak side. I will tell you another one tomorrow.

one new thing

2010-04-19T08:05:00.000-07:00

For the next week I am doing one new thing a day. this is not that easy. First you have to think of something that you have never done before. Then you have to figure out how to do it. Then you have to actually do it not just talk about it. today I plan on trying my hand at painting with my left hand all day.

I have no idea what I will do tomorrow but something is supposed to happen to my brain when I paint all day with my left hand so I will tell you tomorrow if that is true.

A new thing

2010-04-15T12:34:00.000-07:00

I heard on the radio this morning about a coffee shop in Oakland called "Actual" It is called that because coffee shops have turned into laptop heaven with everyone busy in a virtual world.

This coffee shop is actual, no lap tops allowed.

and they have communal tables so it forces you to talk to people.

In this computer age how funny that this old thing is now a hot new thing. Talking to each other= in person.

I was also thinking how when you get something you lose something, unless you see it coming and prepare for it.

This is a new thought for me and I am going to make it a point to notice life more. the plus and minus of whatever comes my way.

my husband of 22 years almost

2010-04-11T17:30:00.000-07:00

I don't know where the time went . We are so much older and hopefully wiser now that all these years have passes. I look at his face and see the lines of worry and concern and tiredness . How I love those lines on my man.

I think the older we get the more beautiful we get to each other.

You can be glamorous to your mate just by a kind word or deed. It doesn't take much to be thrilling and amusing and tired and happy all at the same time.

Each day has new markers to put down. Our lines on the earth. Our time together spent together and apart.

the apart time matters less and more when you are married a long time. YOU want to be with each other all the time and when you aren't , its like you still are.

I love to hear his voice on the phone during the day. Surprise I still am here. Its so rich. We are so rich and I hope this for my son and his wife that they may grow to be one over all the years they are given.

My daughter in law

2010-04-06T08:37:00.000-07:00

I did write a post about how great my granddaughter is but I did not tell you how infinitely spectacular my Daughter in law is.

Here a just a few words that describe her to a t.

courageous, disciplined, caring, tremendously thoughtful, organized, loving but not weak love, beautiful, helpful, dependable, loyal, focused, strong, abiding, encouraging, mechanically inclined( thank God for that) skilled and a quick learner, giving, supportive, healthy and wise beyond her years, a teacher, possesses amazing eyes that look into your soul like no other eyes I have ever seen.

flexible and competent , gorgeous, she can sew(thank God for that too) Industrious , gentle spirited, gorgeous voice, darling laugh, strong faith, well mannered, oh it just goes on and on. You get the picture. She is the most wonderful daughter in law anyone could ever ask for. And Tina today I salute you dear heart.

a simple place

2010-04-04T16:53:00.000-07:00

Today we went to a simple place for Church. We have been going to a church that we found in Soap Lake called Bread of Life that we call" the cowboy church."

It is a small gathering of people who are not highly sophisticated or incredibly brilliant. No it is a simple message presented in an unostentatious way. No frills. But it has a sweetness that is hard to resist when we go there. It is pure acceptance and caring and love, that is what you take away.

I have never seen a Pastor and his wife be so concerned about everyones welfare that you actually feel like he is delighted that you came.

Sometimes we crave a sweet simple meal of just three things.

Faith, love and charity abound there and we were so happy to be part of that this Easter.

direction

2010-03-30T08:06:00.000-07:00

I read this morning that without a clear direction set in your mind so deep that you don't have to think about it , you will wander away from whatever you really want.

This was eye opening for me. I have a mission statement but it is not ingrained in my mind so much that I don't have to refer back to it.

And yes, I do get way layed.

How do you ingrain something in your brain???

I came up with 3 things I am going to do starting right now that will do that. First I am going to write it down on the computer screen. Where do I spend a lot of time, right here so that is where it will be. I will make it a wall paper so I can see it every time I walk over here. Good double use of computer.

Second I am going to illustrate it. the more ways I see it the better.

Third I am going to give myself a reward for every time I read it. That might sound silly but we berate ourselves when we don't stay on track so why not reward yourself when you do. It will make the mind path deeper to look forward to getting a little encouragement. I am going to say Good Girl every time I read it, think about it or do it.

If I had a gallery

2010-03-29T07:29:00.001-07:00

If I had a gallery I would devote it to work done by children.

Children that are unspoiled by thinking that art must be done a certain way. Children that have found their voice at an early age.

the voices of children are wonderfully free of all the self imposed restrictions that we have over time.

Most art schools and creativity groups are trying to get back to that time where you did not stop yourself from being unique.

Why not just start before all that happens.

Maturity in art usually reverts back to when you first started. Look at Bonnard and Matisse and even Picasso.

Trust

2010-03-27T07:49:00.000-07:00

I am reading a book on trust. One thing jumped out at me that shook me to the core. If you don't trust yourself to do what you say you are going to do, then you won't trust anyone else either and everyone will actually sense that in you. This is so true.

Did you ever meet someone and did not trust them and you did not know why?? Well their eyes must be betraying them.

I did not know that if I say I am going to do something like get up early and exercise and then I don't , I am not able to trust myself to do what I said I would do and that will undermine everything else connected with my interactions with everyone.

What a shocking thought. small things maybe but big consequences. The biggest consequences.

my granddaughter

2010-03-26T11:53:00.001-07:00

I have one granddaughter and she is the most wonderful creature ever to walk on this earth.

Every word out of her little mouth is full of delight and joy. Even when she cries , it is only for a few seconds (I think she feels obligated to do the baby thing every so often)

I love to stare at her face when she is asleep and try to vibe all the good things in this life for her that I can. I try and squeeze a billion tons of love into her soul so she will be strong and brave.

I do believe the more you encourage and bless your children and grandchildren they will grow up knowing how to trust . If you trust yourself and your parents then you will develop a healthy trust for God.

I was fortunate to have parents that made me eventually do that so I am grateful.

If you did not have such an easy time of it then you have to find people who will be like that and you have to be like that for the sake of your kids.

The great thing about this world is that there are lots of people to pick from. Lots and lots to pick from.

May I help you

2010-03-22T13:59:00.000-07:00

Did anyone ever ask you that?? Of course. and I am sure you said that to someone too. I have a new motto. Always say yes to that question.

Who knows what they know and you might need an extra pair of hands and you might actually bless them in the process.

I know sometimes I say Oh no I can do it, like I am some sort of independent super person that never needs anyone.

Next time somebody offers, I am saying yes, even to that grocery store guy who will carry your groceries. Maybe he needs a break and wants to go outside and get some fresh air. Maybe he will talk to you and you can share some amazing bit of wisdom with him in the two minutes you have.

You might have a chance to give more than get in an unexpected place.

I believe there are no coincidences, so everything counts.

new Show

2010-03-21T15:33:00.001-07:00

Let me tell you show for Soap Lake. I did these paintings with the total freedom of doing exactly what I wanted to paint. If there were no "what will sell" idea going on in my brain. Just what do I need now.

I like simple and clean and fresh lines. one idea , full of energy and life and color that is a little muddy.

that is what I let them be.

I am rolling in the muddy colors right now because it is a nice foil for the clean crisp expressive lines.

I want someone looking back at me that inspires me to beauty and freedom and aliveness. That is what I need now and that is what I painted.

Every morning

2010-03-18T07:08:00.000-07:00

Every step of the way to going somewhere can be more important than actually getting there.

Getting there is just the end of the road

Every time I have a show and it goes well, the next day I am very depressed.

I am sad because all the work is now done and I have to sit there for awhile and not have a deadline or two more paintings to get done.

I hate that part of it.

I love the almost done but I hate the done.

It's the ride.

When I get my house decorated just the way I like it and it feels like home, time to move. Start over.

That is what is so great about failure. You get to start over really soon.

ceremonies

2010-03-17T09:04:00.000-07:00

I spent some time doing ceremonies for different occasions like 50th birthdays and 21st birthdays. Milestone birthdays.

When I turned 50 it was so traumatic I made up my mind that nobody I was related to would have to do that with a normal birthday. 50 isn't a normal birthday. It is totally traumatic. If you think it wasn't so bad you are deluding yourself. It is.

I did four different ceremonies with people that I loved so much I could not stand for them to live through that with a normal thing.

I made something so weird it was totally fun and wild and wonderful and memorable and they were supported. I was going to write a book about them but I did not but now that I told you I have to write it down. I imagine you or someone you know must go through this and you may need this.

A ceremony is a blanket for comforting you through a great thing.

working

2010-03-16T14:40:00.000-07:00

I am never not working. I am always thinking about what would work in a painting. I am always looking for the next one.

Some weird places I have found my girls are, in the bathtub looking at the shadow on a curtain, looking at wall with texture on it and seeing a face in it, stripping paint from an old chair and seeing a face in the remains. the scrubbed off bottom of my copper pots when I am polishing them.

I see them everywhere, any place anytime. I am always on the look out.

This is the epitome of " if you look you will find quote."

If I can see a face in a tarnished pan where can you find things you are looking for? They are everywhere at all times

breathing

2010-03-15T15:32:00.000-07:00

I find other blogs to be like breathing to me. there is something about writing down your innermost thoughts and sharing them with anyone who wants that I find exhilarating . You can know someone in a unique way by reading their blog. Nobody can hide their true selfs in a blog. It is too hard to write everyday and hide anything. It is kind of like those reality shows. After awhile the cameras become invisible and you get the real person. nobody can fake it forever or even a medium length of time.

What I think would be REALLY FUN!!!! would be to film a blogger. wow that would be like stepping inside their soul.

What could be better than that. What you find out is everybody is the same on the inside. we are all insecure and sometimes lonely and sometimes scared. Once you know nobody has it all together, You can relax a little.

San Francisco

2010-03-14T09:37:00.000-07:00

San Francisco is a beautiful place. I lived there for 10 years and I am sure it did make me into the creature I am today. I learned to see in San Francisco.

The very lay of the land is inspiring to any artist. The incredible hills and the ocean and the neighborhoods and the skyline.

the skyline is the thing. Coming in on a plane you see the jewel like city , sparkling in the night. It is breathtaking the first time you see it.

I have been to a lot of cities but San Francisco is in its own league.

I firmly believe that the beauty of the city is why food is fantastic there and why so many innovative ideas are born there. San Francisco.

go there

seeds

2010-03-13T11:19:00.000-08:00

There are two kinds of seeds. Good seeds and Bad seeds. Those are the only two camps of seeds.

Bad seeds are sneaky and can look like good seeds(reason) then can quickly start growing doubt and become what they really are =bad seeds.

Examining seeds that you put into your mind each day will shock you. I know that if I really think about it, I think many bad self questioning what's the use type thoughts a day. Even though I am a basically positive person and even strive to grow that area of my mind each day, still things slip in and start growing. Oh my goodness, it only takes someone mentioning that they don't think this or that idea is very good and I start going down that well maybe they are right path.

The truth is every idea you have that is hard to do will meet all those people. Just because they couldn't do it does not mean you can't do it.

I am talking creative endeavors here.

I want desperately for the lava lamp to be built in Soap Lake just because nobody knows how to do it and it looks too hard to actually do it but well my goodness if a man can walk on the moon then someone should be able to build a lava lamp that is 60 feet tall in Soap Lake. Don't you just want them to do it. It would be a testimony to everything that is really hard but really good.

france

2010-03-12T06:40:00.000-08:00

I want to tell you why I love french things.

The French people as not afraid of doing unusual even bizarre ideas in unusual places. For example there is a street named Synonym in Puy L'eveque. What a delight to walk down the street and see that street sign. Joy and laughter at something anyone could have done if they thought of it. Why do we name streets after people or flowers or numbers. How many Main streets are there. Billions . You can be creative in every area of life and when that happens joy and positive energy will be there. We love to be surprised by joy. We love it so why not look for lots of different ways to make the mundane joyful.

deadlines

2010-03-10T08:46:00.000-08:00

Deadlines are not really deadlines. They should be called alivelines because they make you move. Everything to get to the aliveline is living and growing and developing yourself to get there.

Once you get there here is what is always there. always always always there is more.

My show is a hit and I sell a lot of paintings, I should be able to sit back and relax but no that is when we start pumping up the volume on new ones. People always want more. One thing leads to two more things not just another thing. It always gets bigger. We are made to always want to do more.

With that in mind the only deadline is when you are dead. And then that is only changing from one body to another so really there is no deadline. Once you are alive you are always somewhere alive.

Tomorrow

2010-03-08T07:04:00.000-08:00

I have found that the biggest obstacle to getting a project done is to start it tomorrow. Never do anything tomorrow. There are three reasons for that. You don't know what will happen tomorrow to block your good intentions today.

Saying you will do it tomorrow to yourself will start the ball rolling for it not happening tomorrow. Bad momentum .

And the third reason is the most deadly . Tomorrow is not guaranteed.

Every idea you have needs to be started when you get the idea. Write down the idea and do the first step. You want to run a marathon. write down what you need to do first and immediately do it. then you get going.

I am a big believer in rewards for taking the first step. The first step is the hardest and the most crucial.

great things

2010-03-05T07:51:00.000-08:00

Great things are never done in a practical way. They always are risky business. They are always not the easy , safe , or convenient , timely, wisest, most thought out, makes sense , good to go, get all your eggs in order way of life.

Great things are dangerous, uncomfortable, scary, unpredictable, tortuous , mind numbing, terrifying things to even start.

The best way to attempt great things is to be totally unprepared, unqualified, ignorant of the potential disasters and kind of stupid.

Who in their right mind would do this.

Everyone who has done something new.

The mistakes you make on the way can be fixed when you get there. You learn as you go, and you will constantly learn .

This is a way of life and if you do one thing like this they pay off is so great that it will dwarf everything else you ever did as ho hum. This is the place where true life exists on the deepest level. Ask anyone who skydives. What a stupid dangerous thing to do. No it is glorious because you are casting your very life into a bigger hand.

everything relates to everything

2010-03-04T08:06:00.000-08:00

I was thinking how everything in life relates to everything else in your life.

The consequences of any action produce an opposite and equal reaction.

One example is moving furniture.

Changing the arrangement of furniture in a room will immediately make you feel better. Even if the new arrangement is awful it is healthy to do it for awhile. Face your bed in a different direction. You will have a new perspective not only in the room but also in your life. You will feel different for awhile. The air will be fresher and you will get new ideas that you would not get unless you moved the bed.

this is because you have done something different and that sets in motion and entirely new course of action for your life. Think I am being crazy here.

This simply is how our minds work. Your brain detects new information and adds that to your old information and proceeds to make sense of it. YOU will look for new and relevant information to make it fit in your head. That process alone will stimulate new areas in your mind that might have not been stimulated recently. Voila! new perspective. Try this and you will see it works.

one way

2010-03-03T07:08:00.000-08:00

There are a lot of ways to get to the same answer in Math. I was reading a math book as part of an exercise to confront something you are weak in. They said it right there in black and white. Lots of ways to get to the same answer.

If that is true about Math it is even more true with creative ideas.

The best thing in the world is to do what you love as a job. That is what everyone wants and needs to do. Good news is that there are a myriad of ways to get to the same place you want to go.

The only two ingredients you need are desire and a plan.

You don't even need a great plan. You just need to do the plan make adjustments , and do it again. You do that over and over till you are there.

Most people have the desire but think they need everything spelled out before they jump.

You don't need to know everything. You only need to know one piece of one thing and build on that. The rest will fall into place.

there are loads of books that say that but nobody believes them.

My husband needs to know what will happen next even though he is married to me and has seen me do things that I totally do not know exactly how to do. He has seen it right in front of his eyes and yet he does not believe it. He thinks I am unique.

I am not any more unique than he is.

10 new things

2010-02-27T20:18:00.000-08:00

Is it even possible to find new things that you have never known, seen or heard before each day. Yes, but you have to be looking for them. They will not jump out at you.

For example. Today I was looking for a new image in the same magazine I have looked through hundreds of times and yes I saw something I had never noticed before.

Each day hundreds of things go past our eyes and most of them we do not give a second glance to. They become invisible .

But, if you practice looking you will develop the habit of wanting to look for more. You can see way way more than you think you can.

You can do the same with hearing. We blur hear. But you can practice hearing for little subtle changes in the world and you will hear them. this will give you sort of a sixth sense in that you are perceiving more than most people.

Try this for one hour and write down what you have seen or heard for the first time in your very same environment .

Right now right here I noticed that the word environment has an n in the middle that you really don' t pronounce.

Funny I never noticed that before.

shy people

2010-02-26T07:40:00.000-08:00

People who say Oh I am just a private person and keep to themselves make me mad.

There is a difference between sharing useless information with everybody (blabbermouth) and sharing what you have learned that might help someone else.

The problem is you don't know what might help someone else at any given time.

Sometimes it is nice just to hear some good news from a friend because it gives you hope. Other times it is nice to share a burden they are going through, because it gives you a job of alleviating some suffering just by listening.

There is nothing that happens to anyone that doesn't at some time or another happen to us all and well we are all in this life together.

So I say horray for Facebook and twitter and blogs and letters and cards and all means of sharing life with each other.

We are sharing love and life and everybody benefits.

Everyone who is shy should think about this. Isn't it just a wee bit selfish to be shy. Give yourself away. You might have something I need right now.

What if

2010-02-24T07:18:00.000-08:00

I like to play what if with my husband. We just think "What if everything were possible"

What would we do?

He has a hard time letting go of what he sees right in front of him. He is practical and methodical and that is great but it does have its limits.

What if you had a gun to your head? All of a sudden you can do what You thought you could not even attempt.

What if you had no job to go to every day . How would you fill your time? (he loves that one best)

What if you lost everything in a fire and had to start over??

What if you were in charge of a huge corporation and everything you said would immediately come into being?

What if every word you said led you closer or farther away from your dreams? What would you say?

What if you suddenly all your dreams came true? What then?

Asking yourself what if questions is a very helpful exercise to examine your goals. You might be surprised by the path this game leads you.

yesterday

2010-02-23T07:18:00.000-08:00

Well I went to the studio and stared at the canvas and I got a new and way way better idea. I am doing French botanical drawings over my girls. It made more sense than the Small Paris Gardens.

I happened to have a group of them that I got for Christmas so I just drew them.

And yes I love the result. I did them over a painting I was going to paint over and they look so good I am going to do a whole show of them.

Every single time I get an idea for a show something else wants to be born.

Sometimes I think why even have an idea when I always do something else.

One time I was commissioned to do a mural for a church. I drew up a plan and they had three committee meetings to approve it. When I actually started painting it I got another idea and did that instead.

Well you usually do what you say you are going to do for a commission so I was expecting a lot of upset people/

Thank goodness they all loved the new Idea better.

Forget it

2010-02-22T07:06:00.000-08:00

The goal is most of my days is to forget myself. By that I mean it is to be absorbed in what I am doing so much that I am not thinking about myself the whole time. It is wonderful when this happens and totally freeing.

When you are self conscious it is very confusing because you are really thinking" How does this look to others. "

that is why when you get in from of an audience to give a speech and you freeze up and are totally thinking of everyone looking at you and you can't focus on what you are saying. If you are only thinking about your speech then it is fun.

Every time I go to the studio and I do not have a foggiest idea what I am going to do the worse thing is to think about what was sold in the past and try and repeat that again. Whenever that temptation to do that is great is the time to do something else .

Today I have to get a painting done for a poster for a show. I haven't even started it and I don't know what I am going to do.

I have a plan.

I am going to my studio and stare the canvas till something comes to mind. I am not going to try and influence the process. I am going to sit there and look till I see it. Then I will paint it.

I will tell you what happened tomorrow.

The past , the present and the future

2010-02-19T07:00:00.000-08:00

I tend to live in the present. I react to what is right in front of me right now. But I know that the right thing to do at all times is not react but be proactive. That is where you deal effectively with what you are facing right now.

The only way to be proactive is to be constantly aware of the past and the future as well as now. Our tendency is to just go on feeling well everything is always going to be the way it is right now. the old Buddhist saying "Be here now" is like that. But the problem with that is that you are saying that the past and the future are not important.

Why even have a past or a future if it is not important.

Proactive people use everything they have to make good choices.

The best and most wonderful thing about being proactive is no matter what you are going through right now you can be aware of the fact that there is something you can do about everything. You are not just floating in space but you can go in the direction of using all you know from the past and where you want to be in the future.

Its a very exciting way to live because we are not stuck no matter what happens to us.

I heard a sermon last Sunday about dealing with anxiety. We don't stick out head in the sand and not deal with problems but we do know who we can come to seek wisdom and help.

It is a fact that you can deal with upheavals a lot better when you are totally stressed out. Being full of anxiety blinds you to all the options you have available gleaning from the past the the future .

Proactive people are not spinning their wheels. They are moving ahead. Even though I know this, I have to practice it and that is what this blog is about.

Demanding the best

2010-02-17T08:12:00.000-08:00

People don't demand the best anymore for anything. The bar is low for most People. Not demanding the best makes us comfortable with our own state of affairs. We like it when we are thrown into a group of people that aren't that bad. We hate it when we are out of our league, It makes us feel guilty about our own life so it is way way easier to hang out with the milieu. This is one small example of that.

I found that for my self not setting the table pretty when we eat dinner is way easier that putting some effort into it.

Since we have been blessed with guests staying with us of course I try harder than normal. The bad thing is I realize that my poor husband had to have sloppy dinners before they came.

I lowered by standards.

I am just now seeing all the ramifications of just not setting a pretty table before.

We did not spend a lot of time talking at dinner. Eat and go was the norm.

We started to live in our own worlds because of that and it actually was starting to make each other less important.

We had our work to think about.

Our priorities got out of order.

Eating became mechanical and I did not enjoy making the food. I would just throw something together.

Now we have the girls and they remind us to be a family and we enjoy our precious time together. I love to plan meals and eat with them. We talk about the food and each others day.

It is a very different experience.

something

2010-02-06T09:08:00.000-08:00

this is something. Momentum is something we cannot stop. It is in us. WE always go somewhere. Even going back and forth we are constantly moving. We keep breathing and our heart keeps beating everything keeps going till we are dead. Then it is over for us here on earth. This seems like a given but I know for a fact that I must think about it every so often to get moving in the right direction. We do not have forever on earth and even more frightening for most is the reality that we do have forever after death.

Everything we do counts now for later. Very sobering fact. Every minute and breath we have counts.

This is also a freeing thought as we do not have to do anything really hard forever here.

You better make sure you know how to take care of later before it comes. Most people don't want to think about it but that is like living on a cliff that is falling apart day by day. Soon you will go off the cliff and free fall into infinity, so you better have a plan to not be in pain when you hit bottom. Do you have a parachute?? A real one. without any holes.

I mean really what else matters. Life is so short and then you die.

Nothing

2010-01-30T08:15:00.001-08:00

Every great idea starts from almost nothing. Just a glimmer of an idea is what every big thing starts as. If you go downtown and look at a 60 story building , if it is hard to conceive that someone once had this vague idea and it turned into a a huge building with hundreds of people working there.

You never know when the idea you have might be what is needed at that moment to start on the journey of something really substantial affecting hundreds or maybe thousands of people.

Blogs are the essence of that. You are just writing your ideas down and soon many people are reading it and are hopefully helped by it. They are the embodiment of glimmers of the future.

Even more important than that is to act more passion. People that do really big things , give their all to it. They jump in and swim and cut all the safety nets away and go to the deep water. There they make it or they don't. If they don't make it they try again with the same abandon. The lessons learned by failing first are invaluable.

Every great person started will many failures. They used all they learned to refine the idea and make it better.

You never try once and then let it go. But sadly most people try once or twice and say it was not meant to be.

Today right now right now right now

2010-01-11T21:44:00.000-08:00

Today my husband did the greatest thing. He said lets have a date night at your studio. We have never done this in four years and it was wonderful. We brought a bottle of wine and we both worked on what we love the best. He took pictures and I painted. It was the most perfect date I have ever had. We were both creating and living and being together. then we talked about what we made. Wine was a nice touch that made it seem date like. Just us working. utter bliss.

What a joy to do what you love with the one you love.

I recommend it to anyone who wants a great marriage.

a Party

2010-01-11T08:16:00.000-08:00

Stepping outside of the expected response can lead to really wonderful things. If you knew that people believe only what we tell them about ourselves , You would be more care about what we tell them.

The way you act does have a profound on whether people take you seriously or not or if you are successful in some other way.

Most people are just reactive when they are in a group. If everybody is being reactive then you have a lot of small talk and nothing of consequence takes place. But if you take the lead and talk about what is important people will gravitate to you like a moth to light. People are starving for substance in everyday speech. People have a deep need to have importance in their lives and talking about important things is the first step to doing important things.

Nobody on earth is no big deal. We are all huge deals and need to expect great things from each other. Wouldn't you love to go to a party and talk about tremendous things instead of small talk.

We do not have time for small talk.

Then it would never be just a party but a fantastic opportunity to exchange wonderful ideas.

Proactivity

2010-01-10T09:38:00.000-08:00

Without knowing it many people are not living life. Life is living them. It is so easy to have this happen when you are not even aware of when you are doing it.

It makes you feel helpless and a victim and depressed when you are being lived.

It is like a chess game. If you never think about what your next move will be the other player will checkmate you in a matter of a couple of moves.

Life is movement. It always goes on. It never stays the same. We get older and older and people constantly change . Our environment constantly changes and breathes in and out. That is the great thing about living. There is always something new to do. We are constantly needing to be creative to survive .

Once you embrace that fact you can enjoy it but it is our human nature that makes us want things to be the same and comfortable

That is why being proactive is so important.

Embrace new changes. It does no good to complain about them. Complaining(even to yourself) is being reactive and helpless.

All the things you know

2010-01-03T20:22:00.000-08:00

I think we would be surprised to realize all the things we know already. We learn millions upon millions of pieces of information each year that connect to the other pieces we already have. Most people do not trust that they know as much as they do.

One way to find out how much you really know is to make a list of 100 things you are skilled at. If you just start the list one thing will lead to the next and before you know it your list will make you feel like you can do anything. We don't usually put much importance on what we know. What you don't value you wont use.

We depend on others to tell us what we are good at and others only see a tiny fraction of what we can do. Only a fraction, so how can they make any kind of judgement.

On the other hand if a lot of people who know you pretty well seem to be encouraging you in one direction or another then you must have a huge amount of talent in that area because even outsiders can see it.

They are only seeing the tip of the iceberg.

money and the new year

2010-01-01T12:15:00.000-08:00

Everyone I know has the idea that with more money, you can do more things. This is not always true. Sometimes having more money means having more stuff to take care of and worry about. The less you have the more free you are to change and move in a new direction. This is also true for artists that are unknown. You have the most freedom when nobody expects anything from you. You can reinvent yourself over and over till you get what you want and there will be nothing to stop you.

Once you start selling paintings or any artwork then you will have to desire to do it again and again and you will not want to deviate from what gave you the money in the first place. So In away you become a slave to success.

If you get some kind of windfall of money, you will start buying lots of stuff then the stuff will own you.

This is the other side of the good life.

For every action there is an opposite and equal reaction.

The best time in your life is not getting what you want, its trying to get it. That is the most fun and the most free.

brainstorming

2009-12-28T12:55:00.000-08:00

The beauty of brainstorming is that you get to say and write things down that are so absurd and wild and it is all good. Most of our lives we are trying to do something right, but brainstorms are like mind doodling . You just say and write down whatever pops into your head. What is really great is to do it in a group. If someone else says something it might spark another thing in you.

Even the most wacky can have something useable in it. All great ideas start with fragments of ideas. Nobody gets the whole thing at once. those pieces are important so you should write them down and look at them over and over. When I paint I like to look at the same magazines over and over for new fragments. I also look at old paintings and try and see what it was that gave it a special quality that made it sell.

Your clients can tell you something about what to look for if you can identify why they actually bought a painting.

What common thing do they all have.

Nels Borg

2009-12-13T08:33:00.000-08:00

Trying new things are scary. You dont know what will happen. I like Seth Godins idea of doing the thing that makes you nervous.

What makes you nervous and scared is what you should do. You are nervous because you will have a lot of pain if you don't succeed.

You have the most to lose and that is why you are nervous. The ironic thing is staying put is no less painful. doing nothing is doing something. It is killing time that you could be doing something you are afraid of doing. doing. Nothing is the worst thing you can do. Not changing is like being a sitting duck for somebody to pick you off.

Its better to try, try, try and do what you love than postpone trying till you have an easier time of it. You will NEVER have a better time than now, because now is all you really have.

I know a man who lost his job that he had for 20 years in lumber at 50 went back to school to be an xray tech and bought a fixer house at the same time. He was just going to tough it out. Then he had a heart attack and that set him back a bit with the surgery and recovery.

Now he has a job he loves and a house he totally redid and he is good to go in the body department. He is happy too. Really happy.

Nels Borg did all that and lived to tell us about it.

If you think about being scared think of Nels. At least you don't have a heart attack and if you do get one then still do it.

getting rid of something

2009-12-06T17:29:00.000-08:00

Cleaning out things in your life that just sit there and are never used is like losing weight. You dont know how good it feels till you get rid of it. Things that people have given you over your life seem very hard to send on to a new place. Old habits are hard to give up as well as old ways of thinking.

It is a always easier to not grow than to grow.

Growing needs space and pain and support to happen.

I just got back from a four day juice fast at Soap Lake with my friend. I could not have done it without her doing it too. Company makes pain and will power all the easier.

It is also easier to have courage if you are not alone,

Sometimes it takes courage to throw old things out because we think something bad will happen. We think what if the person who gave this to me comes over someday and it is not here and you will be embarrassed.

This is actually extremely funny because people usually forget what they gave you and if they do remember giving someone something they should feel worse if you were keeping it just to please them.

If somebody does care about it then they need to learn to give with no strings attached. You are helping them learn that .

Get rid of anything that is not bringing you to a better place.

1974

2009-11-30T08:25:00.000-08:00

There are lots of ways to find artists work, You can look in the usual places Galleries ,studio tours, artist banks, and referral.

I think the most fun way is to happen upon work in unusual places. Sometimes artists have shows in unusual places like restaurants coffee and tea houses even hardware stores.

Artist that are just starting out are unfettered with the knowledge of what will sell and what will not.

I remember I once had a show in San Francisco at a coffee shop. They let me put these 4 by 8 foot pieces of masonite on the walls that I had put charcoal drawings on. I hardly had money to eat must less buy canvas and I think I salvaged the masonite from a dumpster.

NO matter I was an artist and I had to work so that is what I did. I put varnish on the whole thing to keep the charcoal from coming off.

And I think I put the grand price of 50 bucks on the works. Did I sell them?? Yes I did. When I did that I bought some canvas and started making big paintings.

I wonder if those charcoal drawings still exist.

It doesn't matter really, what does matter is they were the step that led to the next step.

The moral of this story is "Don't despise small beginnings"

Knowing what you are doing

2009-11-24T08:05:00.000-08:00

There is a reason that you do not need to know what you are doing when you set forth on any creative project. The reason is you are not the sole source of creativity. You do not need to rely on what you already know. Just stepping out and walking toward the desired end is all you need. I did not know how to do a mural but I learned along the way of doing it. The people that payed me to do the mural did not know that I did not know what I was doing. I just started and figured it out.

If you realize that everything you need is right there and it will show up when you need it.

I dont know anything about painting except that I am a painter. I instinctively knew that art school would wreck me and I still believe that. I do not paint like anyone else and that is why. I was free to do what only I can do.

You only have to trust that the next step will present itself when you need it and not before. It is just like Faith in God. You cant see Him but He is there.

That is why life is so wonderful and spectacular and joyful/ You are never never never alone. You never have to rely on what you already know.

something you can use

2009-11-20T08:14:00.000-08:00

The reason I am writing today is to give anyone who wants it something you can use. In creative group we work on thinking in new ways and developing our capacity to be aware of a good idea when we get it.

Thousands of thoughts pass through our minds all day long. Thousands upon thousands. If there is an idea that comes back again and again then that is something we need to work on or act on . There are only two things to do with every idea. Ignore it or do it. Every idea is either a door or a window.

If it is a window you can be objective and consider what else you know. It is safe to look out a window.

The door is another matter. It is terrifying to go through a door because you dont know what is on the other side and we are all scared of pain.

When dealing with creativity doors are all over the place waiting to be opened.

One trick that you can use to go through doors that you are afraid to go through, is to do one small step to opening the door. One actual gentle shove . That will strengthen you to go a little further. Like a chick pecking out of its shell. each little peck makes him stronger and stronger and develops his muscles to go on and push some more.

Momentum will be working for you if you just start a little bit.

Working through a painting

2009-11-06T07:55:00.000-08:00

When I start painting I have no idea where it will end up. Sure I have a plan in mind, but when I going it always takes me somewhere else. It is like riding a horse that does not know you yet. The horse has not grown acclimated to your touch and does not respond. I say lets go here and the horse says no we are going somewhere else. I have to go where it tells me to,

I would even go so far to say that being an artist is always being led around by someone else.

You just have to go where they say. And I dont know what is leading me. My past experiences, my skill, my emotion, or something else

That is the joy of it all too. I don't know where we are going so it is always new and an adventure.

The circus

2009-10-30T08:48:00.000-07:00

Can you imagine having the idea to start a circus. What a bizarre thing to come up with. Animals and acrobats and clowns and a tent. The first time a new idea comes up it seems foreign and unreasonable and crazy even.

But so many things that we are now used to were once a weird idea that someone had the guts to actually do.

Brent Blake who lives at Soap Lake, had one such idea. He wanted to install a three story lava lamp in the downtown area to bring tourists to soap Lake where he has his gallery. Talk about Pr stunts.

The town agreed and they found one such lamp in New York and bought it and now are waiting to install it. It works. The blob inside goes up and down like the ones in the 70's we all thought were so great.

He also want to create a stonehenge type of structure made of Lava Soap Bars. only real big. They are three stories too.

What a blessing he is to the town to make all those wild and wonderful and joyful ideas come true.

That is why you do your wild ideas, they might make everyone else feel the exhilaration of pure joy for a few minutes and they might be inspired to come up with their own wild ideas that might benefit everyone.

Follow those ideas . Even if you try 10 wild ideas and only one actually works- it will have been more than worth the effort.

Just ask Brent Blake

A gallery Idea

2009-10-28T08:06:00.000-07:00

My Husband and I are opening an art gallery in our home that is very different from the usual experience/ We both think that art buying is such an important decision that you should be in an place that promotes good choices that will give back a lifetime of enrichment. We have an old 1914 house that would lend itself to this venture.

Creatively speaking we would make it a place where you want to be stimulated with as much beauty as possible and feel as comfortable as possible so you would be receptive to hearing what your true self is speaking. The most important thing is not to see too much art to get overloaded. You need to have different senses heightened to appreciate the art voice that is in you.

For that reason we would only show 10 paintings at a time.

The other thing we are going to do is serve food appropriate to the art that is being shown. Your taste buds can open up your art buds too.

That is why people say "I like your taste in ..."

The last thing is we will have only small showings. That way you are free to be with the work and listen to see if it is speaking to you.

And we have a wonderful name for it. "A Beautiful Line."

soap lake show

2009-10-12T14:52:00.000-07:00

When you take a chance and do something a little different. sometimes it pays off. Having a show in a very small town has two big advantages. People are not expecting to see you and they are glad to.

That is what seemed to happen is soap lake.

which just goes to show you what you think about something will make it true. Does that sound new age , far out kind of thought. It is not it is just true.

I wish I had known this when I was 20.

WE acted like this was the biggest event of the century and it was. loads of people came and enjoyed themselves.

Brent Blake hired a band. Most openings do not have bands they have soft music and awful wine if you are lucky. Not soap lake. We had lovely spaces with fantastic music and equally fantastic beer and wine. No skimping on the libations here.

Brent was the graphic designer for the spokane worlds fair. He thinks big.

One person even drove over from Seattle for the event a mere three and a half hour drive. hum does that tell you something. If you build it and promote it they will come.

interview

2009-10-08T19:34:00.000-07:00

I was interviewed by the Columbia Basin Herald yesterday. I should have seen these questions coming and had something prepared but I thought how hard can it be to answer questions about my work.

I found myself stammering and going on and on about all sorts of things.

This is a good learning experience. Talking and writing are left brain activities and you cant just rest on what you say off the top of your head.

Next time I will prepare with answers that are more to the point.

the poor interviewer was just trying to find out my motive for painting.

Sigh, I will have something better to say.

One of the ways to get better at thinking is blogging.

So this is just another way to get better/

the road from your brain to your mouth is a big one apparently.

A beautiful line

2009-10-04T13:55:00.000-07:00

I am going to start commenting on worthwhile art that I find. The importance of art critics are only that they tell you what is out there. They usually do in in an extremely erudite manner to seem like they must know what they are talking about. I do not believe that you need to major in art theory to talk about art.

Most people do not have the time or inclination to study on the side/ But I do so I will share what I see with you.

I know a beautiful line when I see it and that is what I am searching for in my work and others.

great ideas

2009-10-02T11:56:00.001-07:00

Ideas are meaningless unless you try them out, You dont know how to fight a war till you fight a war. You dont know if anything is true unless you try it out in reality.

All night long I get ideas and many times they slip away by morning. I have to write them down. I have to try them. It is a great feeling never running out of ideas for any problem. Each problem has more than one way to solve it.

The greatest hinderance to finding the best idea is to just take another one that has worked in the past and use it. We all do that constantly. Way less work that way. But it might not be the best way.

I have a problem. What does a different kind of gallery look like?? has everything been done. no only a few things have been done. What if there are fifty ways to run a gallery and have it be profitable. There are more than that.

This blows my mind when I think that I always stop at one or two ways.

why buy art

2009-10-01T07:36:00.000-07:00

One of my creative group member said that the need I fulfill in painting is something to hang on the wall.

I was thinking about that and disagree. The art that you pick out and pay for and hang on your wall is a total reflection of you. Everyone who looks at it, will have the honor of seeing you in a way that is profound. It reflects to everyone your home soul.

Art is always made to be in home not a museum.

It is personal and intimate and life giving.

Galleries exist to just move them to the right home.

Sometimes paintings sit for quite a while in the gallery. There is nothing wrong with it, it just hasn't found its owner yet.

Art that you save for and buy will be the most important thing in your house because you will think long and hard about a piece before paying hard earned cash for it.

My gallerist says that when people struggle to pay for a painting and then actually get it, it changes them forever.

You will get joy and nourishment from your artwork for years and years. Nothing else you can buy will give back to much.

That is why you buy art.

time

2009-09-29T07:38:00.000-07:00

I have a theory about time. We are infinite . The life we experience is very unrelated to the ticking clock. Time passes but we do not feel it. You can be married 40 years and it seems like 5 minutes. Or you can spend two weeks in France and it seems like a lifetime.

You have to get things done to survive but another thing is happening on a real experience level. A clock ticking away is going round and round again and again but it is not actually doing anything real. We are infinite so it is really meaningless.

When I was younger I tried to think of infinity in terms of clock time. Well you go a billion years and then add a billion more and so on forever. It would make my head hurt just thinking about it. It makes me tired to think like that.

But it does not make me tired to think of real infinity. We are. that is all

It is much more relaxing to just be than try and fit it in an artificial box.

We get older and older and we learn more and more.

I love how Matisse was just so simple when he was at the end of his life. His spark was simple.

Infinity is simple. God is simple . ultimately.

A different kind of Paradise

2009-09-28T08:03:00.000-07:00

Soap Lake is a remote small village really in central washington. It is similar to the small villages in France we stayed in.

Not much activity in the way of stores and people running around.

That is why we love it. The extreme quiet.No cars hardly/ You know most of the town in about a month of staying there, An amazing lake that is never the same two minutes in a row. Birds and wildlife that you don't usually see. Sun glorious sun sun sun.

Dry and Hot and healing. The air smells like sage when it does rain and is totally intoxicating.

wind that blows and beats the restless out of you.

There is no tv in the house there. We have books. You will want to read and look out the window for hours.

We hike and play golf on the most fun golf course in the world. it is rustic. We hit the balls into sagebrush off rocks instead of a manicured chemical laden lawn.

We find snakes and giant beetles and sometimes scorpions. We love to look at them basking in the sun.

The sky at night is full of stars animal cries in the dark.

The lake shimmers and glimmers and tosses and is glassy all in the same day.

We canoe across the lake and drip out arms in the warm water and drift off into dream land. No jet ski or speed boats. Sail boats and canoes. Quiet still . Having friends over is wonderful as you can really talk to them and be with them.

We hate to leave every time. We hate to leave and come home.

one thing

2009-09-26T07:55:00.001-07:00

One of the exercises in our creative club is to write down one thing, that if you started doing it now, would change your life. I hate that question because I know what it is. work out every day.

I used to teach aerobics. I was the best I ever was when I did that. Not only was I a single parent and ran a gallery and was an art broker, and painted a lot and had another part time job but I managed to teach a class one hour a day 5 days a week. It was not a beginners class either. I pushed my class to their limits every day. They picked my class because they would get major results. of Course my body was in incredible shape but it was not only that. I Knew no fear. As far as I pushed my body, my mind followed. I called it the Kill factor. I killed laziness in my life. I was aggressive in selling art and painting and my work showed it. then I got married and became a sloth. Well sloth compared to when I was not married. Things were easier and my kill factor went away. I became mushy.

I remember that during my class I would find the strongest person in the class and focus on pushing them. I was yelled at a lot because usually you are supposed to take care not to hurt anyone.

Once the strongest person was this 65 year old woman. I could not do anything she could not do. She looked at my eyes when we were going through the drill and focused . She knew what I was doing and she pushed back. It was the most fun I ever had. When we were done she said it was the best class she ever took. I never saw her again. It was this amazing experience because nobody knew her. She only came once. I think she was an angel.

the soap lake nudes

2009-09-25T07:30:00.000-07:00

I am working on a series of nudes for a show in soap lake. A tiny town with an art museum that has ambition to turn the town into an artist haven. The owner is an architect who moved from Seattle to live and work in a very small town. I love the fact that he bought a building and started the Soap Lake Art Museum. I think if you are going to open a gallery give it a big name.

Brent Blake(owner) has had amazing shows in this very small town with some very interesting people who live there.

They had a film festival too and have a paid for beautiful theatre where they hold regular plays.

Very small town with big ideas. The city bought a 30 foot lava lamp to install in a prominent area of town. They bought it from a store in New York.

I love the guts of soap lake so I am honored to have a show there.

The nudes reflect the freedom to be yourself and be totally loved in Soap Lake.

The importance of Failure

2009-09-24T07:46:00.000-07:00

Failure is just the step before success, even though it feels like light years away from where you want to go. How many times have I rolled in the dross of my painting failures that are just gobs of goo sliding off the canvas only to find a spark a few days later and have it almost break my heart with beauty.

I should learn to embrace the step not as a monument to how inept I am but a door to the next level of seeing. You cannot always recognize new things right off the bat. Your eyes have to grow accustomed to the new light.

You have to get away from it and ponder something else for awhile then come back and look again.

A painting I was going to destroy(read paint over) became a beautiful thing when I started painting over it. I did not have white handy so I used some flesh color and started smearing away. You could still see the painting under it as the flesh was semi transparent. I put it aside to let it dry. People came into the studio and started exclaiming how they loved the painting that way. So dreamy. So it sat a bit more then someone offered to buy it like that. Then I saw it. As soon as they said those words I saw what it could become and I finished the work. Now it is going to live in a house in Seattle where it will be loved for years.

restless agony

2009-09-23T07:44:00.000-07:00

I have redone my nudes four times now and am going to do another change. They are eluding me and I am looking all over for them. I need something because I am at a loss. I often think "did Matisse look at a blank canvas and shudder.

I remember what Edward Hopper said about painting. How he loathed it.

How can you hate something that feeds you.

Well I need to be stung to life and have to find something new and fresh and inspiring today. I do not know where to start looking. I have found inspiration in the past from weird places. someone passes me and I see it. I am walking up a hill or driving to nowhere and I see it.

It must be in the air and I just have to get my body to the place where it is so it will rain down on me. Its not in me. It is outside of my mind but I will recognize it when I see it.

the beautiful line

2009-09-21T07:38:00.001-07:00

What is it about a line that makes it beautiful?? I was pondering what it is that makes you stop and say "This is a beautiful line on which to build a whole painting."

Is it that it reminds you of something you love? Or is it something deeper and a part of our essence that is longing to be released. Is that line reflecting infinity.

It is hard to put into words a diaphanous dream. You can see it and feel it but it is hard to define in hard edge words.

A beautiful line is what I am painting all day to find. Without one beautiful line the entire painting feels dead.

So the beautiful line is life, it is breath, it is depth. It is the reason all painters paint and all writers write and all musicians compose. Everyone is looking for that certain something that transcends time.

Our entire career hangs in the balance of finding a beautiful line, the beautiful line, the true beautiful line.

Year in Provence

2009-09-19T07:53:00.000-07:00

I just saw the movie "Year in Provence". Ohh it is awful. I wanted to see a recreation of my trip but instead it is this story about these English people who are basically making fun the of the French. They are concerned because they dont understand everything that the French are saying. Maybe you should learn French before you to live there. Maybe you should buy a house that is already fixed up if you cant fix anything yourself.

They portrait the people as fools that can cook/

I can say from experience that the people there are wonderful and highly creative. We should be so lucky to be like them. If you have even one drop of french blood in you I envy you.